Bubble Machine

When I was a kid I had this amazing pressed-tin ray gun that was a freakin' bubble machine. Pick a target, pull the trigger repeatedly (to energize a friction motor that powered the fan and perforated wheel), and holy Toledo, bubbles!

It didn't have much of a range, and the accuracy was subject to prevailing winds, but hot damn, did it ever drive the family dog nutsoid.

Around about the same time, oberster käsemeister Lawrence Welk and his Champagne Music Makers - the era's premier Family Television Entertainment™ superstars - were ushering in each wholesome episode of polkas, show tunes, and inspirational chorales with a perky cloud of bubbles (imaginatively intended to evoke the effervescent joie de vivre symbolized by overpriced carbonated plonk).

Fortunately, this abomination did not quench my enthusiasm for bubbles.

Occupying a position on the musical spectrum 180 degrees opposed to the musical horror of Mr. Welk and company were the surreally inventive Mothers of Invention, led by the anti-Welk, Frank Zappa, who frequently namechecked L.W. in lyrics and interviews. In 1974, their Roxy and Elsewhere LP was highlighted by a spirited performance of "The Be-Bop Tango," during which the great man himself was heard to intone, "Turn on the bubble machine."

Coincidence? I think not. These two disparate musical giants, so different and yet so eerily similar, recognized and paid homage to the irresistible entertainment power of the bubble machine.

Bubble machines transcend time, taste, and trends. They are the universal translation of "havin' some fun here, people - pay attention." Tireless bringers of smiles, giggles, and fond childhood memories, they are the ultimate morale boosters. Unless you were traumatized by too many episodes of The Prisoner.

A workplace without a bubble machine is like a payday without a cheque. So we'd better build one. Right freakin' now. The operational concept is pretty simple: dip wand in bubble solution. Blow. Repeat. Serial bubbles ensue.

Hell yeah, we can do that.

Mechanizing the process of bubble blowing requires a fan to provide airflow, and an endless loop of wands dipping sequentially into a reservoir of bubble juice. As noted elsewhere in this tome, there's no shortage of ways to accomplish this particular sequence of events; whatever path we take is gonna take some power, however, so we'll tap into one of your PC's USB ports for some battery-and wall-wart-free electrical goodness.

The fan? A 2" CPU fan. Sure, it's 12 volts (sez here right on the label), but even when powered by the 5v DC current delivered by pins 1 and 4 on yer basic USB port, it moves more than enough air to serve our purposes. The perpetual bubble wand? An artfully perforated CDR on an axle driven by a bodged together reduction gear train powered by a small electric motor. Feel free to source in a retail gear motor if you want to avoid having to turn three pulleys out of acrylic; you're looking for +/- 5 RPM at 5v DC, which a quick online search reveals to be a fairly uncommon piece of kit.

Bubble juice we can either source commercially or brew up ourselves. The bubble juice reservoir will be easily removable from the apparatus for draining and cleaning. It'll be fashioned from a...

From a what??? Good lord, what suspense!! What drama!! This is the sort of cliffhanger that ranks right alongside "Who Shot J.R"... real edge-of-the-seat stuff. Don't let the suspense traumatize you...buy the book and find out NOW!